Making Root Beer

[BobSch]

Got this from a friend and have been chuckling all afternoon.

As part of a well rounded philosophy of life, I believe that it is important to never close out a day without learning a lesson. Today I was fortunate enough to have learned several, which I share with you now, in no particular order. For those who were unaware, I made some homemade Root Beer on Saturday.

— Root Beer is sticky.

— Before attempting to serve homemade Root Beer, it is important to have well constructed tapping gear.

— 30 feet of hose connected to the tapper still produces pure foam at 40 PSI.

— If you think the connection is tight enough, it isn’t.

— 40 PSI is a lot.

— The spectacle of a beer volcano (a good story in its own right) pales before the sheer awesome power of a Root Beer detonation.

— My kitchen has many nooks and crannies where sticky stuff can drip.

— My kitchen will forevermore smell of Root Beer.

— The CSI shows are right. If a person’s body is in front of an explosion, you really can find a “blast shadow” where the body absorbed the impact, thus protecting things in the “shadow.”

— Root Beer is cold.

— 40 PSI, applied to a 5 gallon keg, is sufficient pressure to accelerate Root Beer to transonic speeds.

— My butt will block a Root Beer detonation quite well.

— Root Beer hurts.

— Root Beer is sticky.

— Root Beer is not recommended as a body wash.

— Electronic items and Root Beer Bombs do not mix.

— When cleaning Root Beer, do not stand in one place too long.

— Root Beer dries FAST.

— Root Beer, when dried, can be used as a virtually indestructible cement.

— Aerospace firms should investigate the sticky power of Root Beer for purposes of bonding composite parts of high-performance aircraft.

— Root Beer adheres to socks just as well as to shoes.

— Do not plan on getting anything else done on a day when you have a Root Beer Bomb.

— My refrigerator needed new art work anyway.

— If you are going to have a Root Beer explosion you will be very lucky if, by pure chance, you are standing next to the keg when it happens.

— If, by chance, you are not standing next to it, the Root Beer will KEEP exploding until the CO2 runs out.

— The CO2 will NOT run out if the pressure canister is still attached to the keg.

— 40 PSI is a lot.

— Once you have done the dishes and they are dry, put them away immediately. That way you won’t have to wash them again should a Root Beer Bomb detonate in your kitchen.

— Burning Root Beer does not smell as good as you might think or hope.

— It is impossible to get ALL the Root Beer off of electric burners.

— Burning Root Beer generates smoke.

— I’m not even sure I like Root Beer.

[pelligrini]

LOL that's too funny.

[cgallery]

LOL!

When my I was quite young (maybe 6), and tucked into bed for the night, my brother woke me and we made our way (silently) into the kitchen to snag a gallon bottle of A&W my father had purchased.

We ran back upstairs, with me carrying the bottle. It was nearly full and quite heavy and I had trouble carrying it up the stairs. The result was that I was shaking it from side to side a lot.

This is a true story, BTW.

When we got to our bedroom, we couldn't open it. I didn't realize at the time that the pressure inside the bottle was contributing to our difficulty. But my brother, being three years older than I, wisely thought that we should use a face cloth to get the top off (the face cloth would give us leverage on the cap).

So we retrieved a face cloth, got leverage on the cap, and the resulting root beer volcano launched the face cloth to the ceiling, where it stuck. Root beer was everywhere. Our screaming apparently alerted my father to the fact that we were up to no good.

We turned-off the light and jumped back into bed just as my father entered the room. The ceiling was dripping wet and there was a half-empty jug of root beer on the desk with a soaked face cloth next to it.

I was terrified that he was going to beat the crap out of us but he laughed so hard I thought he was going to pass out. He cleaned it up (well, not the ceiling but everything else) and told us not to tell our mother the next morning (she was out playing bridge).

That is my root beer story. People have NO IDEA just how volatile that stuff really is.

[turkeywire]

That was great I laughed so hard I almost fell out of my chair.

[master53yoda]

Reminds me of when my mom made root beer when i was about 7 or 8 (50 years ago) and put it in gallon vinegar jars. She made about 10 or so gallons and had them on the back porch for the week or so it took to do its thing. The funny part is that we lived about 5 miles from where the national guard had an artillery firing range, they had been firing earlier in the day, that after noon 1 (to start with) of the jars exploded and the rest went from there, she had us kids under the table so fast it wasn't even funny.

After she figured out that the artillery hadn't missed the target and hit our house we had to go clean up the porch. I remember root beer running of the ceiling and out the door of the porch. All the cleaning notes fit what I remember about trying to clean it up.

[RAFlorida]

Bob, thanks to you and others for a delightful

read! A root beer lover myself, I never tried to make it because one of my brothers told not to. He said it was less hassle to just drive to the store and by it. I never asked why, now I know!

[cabinetman]

All of this has to be true. My last bout with root beer was when I was a kid, and drank a Hire's in the tall bottle, and then jumped up and down. I still have bad memories about the trip to the ER.
.

[iceman61]

LOL.....I laughed so hard I almost had Pepsi running out of my nose.

[gsmittle]

Bob,

That is too funny!! I think I dislocated a rib....

g.