"Assistance" 'round the house

[TheChief]

I'm trying to think how to ask this politely. It may not be possible. So here goes.

Does anyone else have someone in the household that really wants to help on or do their own projects around the house but really shouldn't be allowed to touch tools, or paint brushes, or perhaps even be allowed to watch HGTV?

How do you handle it?

[BerniePA]

A little more information would be helpful because the nature of your relationship to the someone else would determine the amount of "tact and dipolmacy" to be required. Basically, does the someone else fall into the catagories of spouse, offspring, or "other"?

If it's spouse -- you're on your own!!!

[BerniePA]

Hey -- that one took me from Newbie to Established member!! Yee Hawww!!!

[TheChief]

Well, guess I'm dealing with an expert now.

Okay, I'll admit, it's LOML. Love her dearly, I do! But having to go back and re-do things like fastening or painting... or waiting and waiting for this or that to get finished... <sigh>. I'm hoping someone may have found a creative way of redirecting such efforts without hurting someone's feelings. I'm open to just about anything!

[ragswl4]

Relax and enjoy. You are lucky. My wife and I are building a new home, 2800 sqft two story with an 1000 sqft detached garage and she is deciding on everything and I mean everything. I feel your frustration. The best advice I can give you is to give up, let her enjoy what she is doing and tactfully fix what needs fixing. You will feel better and so will she. Ain't none of it worth a stress induced heart attack. Knowing your background (ex Navy) I presume that the LOYL has had to be pretty independent just like mine has.

Best of luck.

[crokett]

Sure. My wife. She doesn't do a bad job with the actual painting, it's the cleanup. She's ruined more brushes in the 5 years we've been married then I have, well ever. There was the time I did all the cut in, including painting for 6" around all the outlets, and they STILL got painted. After that I learned that when I replace the outlets, I replace them after the room is painted.

She is better with tools but that is because I've shown her how to use most of them properly.

[gerti]

Calvin likes to sneak tools and supplies, and must inspect everything. Reissa prefers the supervisor position. Oh, they are both Alaskan Malamutes...

[Mr__Bill]

Forget about changing anything she already 'knows' how to do. Instead teach her new things and if you're lucky she will do better at that and if these new things are somehow a hobby for her then you may be in the clear.

Let us know when the divorce is.......


hey I screwed up one marriage, happy to help you to do the same....Bill

[BerniePA]

Relax and enjoy the "extra" hand. Rarely do I get thru a project without help from my better half and usually it is welcomed when I need that third hand for the too awkward peice or the board that is just too long for safety. Now that my knees don't work like they used to, I get the tall stuff, she gets the short stuff and it works out well.

[TheChief]

True, she's had to be independent in a lot of ways in the past... this is a more recent development, though. My background makes it a bit more frustrating; I no longer have a division of people I can tell to fix things for me.

Divorce? Probably not in the picture. We've been married over 21 years now - fully 14 years of wedded bliss. I'll admit we're still a little weak in the communications department. Which is ironic considering I was a communications electronics tech in another life.

[eccentrictinkerer]

My solution? More tools!

After losing a $26 paint brush (used for applying 'stripper' and left to dry, followed by the use of new Forstner bit to bore holes in frozen dirt to hold Xmas tree topper in the flower boxes) I built LOML her tool box wth all the regular tools. Any time she can't find the 'right' tools she has to ask me first.

She's put up with me for 42 years so owe her a lot. I have a spare set for my son's-in-law. I lent my electric planer (hand-held) to SIL. Turns out he needed to trim the ends of treated deck boards.

[Richard in Smithville]

LOML had a bad exprience with my 3x24 belt sander once. She was trying to be helpful, and the fact that I fell on the floor laughing when she told me how the sander took off across the room on her, but now she will always ask something need doing.

Now painting is a different story.

[herb fellows]

I feel your pain! Love my wife to death, but she does not take kindly to being told how to do something she is positive she is doing correctly! It can be the middle of summer and it will instantly turn into winter!
Of course, half the fault is probably mine for being overly exacting about it. Sometimes ya just have to look at it and say "ok, at least it's done'!

[LinuxRandal]

I had a gal who worked for us, that asked me to come over and help her paint. She and her new husband had just bought (three months prior) their first house, and she had asked me how to do a couple of things. I went over and her husband was at work and she wanted to repaint. He told her that the correct way to paint was to trim, then roll, then after it dries, sand off the drips.

Now I do agree with getting them their own tools (works two ways, as they can find them, just ask my sister whose husband has to look for whatever). I also understand there are GOOD reasons to have your good tools, locked up, and your loaner tools, accessible. But, how would/will she feel, when you start using her shoes as hammer, and her dresses, as varnish rags?

[Ed62]

My wife and I have an understanding. She does the cooking (Thank God!), and I do anything more mechanical than changing a light bulb. It works well.

Ed