Best Comeback Line

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  • gordons
    Established Member
    • Aug 2003
    • 192
    • Charlotte, NC, USA.
    • Ryobi BT3100

    Best Comeback Line

    If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman.

    He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial.
    The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility...

    Q: 'Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?'

    A: 'No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.'

    Q: 'Officer -- who provided this description?'

    A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.'

    Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?'

    A: 'Yes, sir. With my life.'

    Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?'

    A: 'Yes sir, we do!'

    Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?'

    A: 'Yes sir, I do.'

    Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?'

    A: 'Yes sir'

    Q: 'Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?'

    A: 'You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.'
    Gordon
    I'd rather be a hammer than a nail
  • Mr__Bill
    Veteran Member
    • May 2007
    • 2096
    • Tacoma, WA
    • BT3000

    #2
    From Wind in the Willows, when the lawyer asks, "and just what is the honest way".... and the reply, "Ah ha, I thought you wouldn't know"

    Bill

    Comment

    • Gator95
      Established Member
      • Jan 2008
      • 322
      • Atlanta GA
      • Ridgid 3660

      #3
      lawyers suck, until you need one

      Comment

      • Uncle Cracker
        The Full Monte
        • May 2007
        • 7091
        • Sunshine State
        • BT3000

        #4
        Originally posted by Gator95
        lawyers suck, until you need one
        Needing one sucks, too...

        Comment

        • jussi
          Veteran Member
          • Jan 2007
          • 2162

          #5
          "The jerk store called, they're running out of you" - George Costanza
          I reject your reality and substitute my own.

          Comment

          • cabinetman
            Gone but not Forgotten RIP
            • Jun 2006
            • 15216
            • So. Florida
            • Delta

            #6
            I know a ton of lawyer jokes, and since I don't know how sensitive the lawyers on this forum are, I'll show them some courtesy and not tell my best ones.
            .

            Comment

            • big tim
              Senior Member
              • Mar 2006
              • 546
              • Scarborough, Toronto,Canada
              • SawStop PCS

              #7
              Originally posted by cabinetman
              I know a ton of lawyer jokes, and since I don't know how sensitive the lawyers on this forum are, I'll show them some courtesy and not tell my best ones.
              .

              Chicken.

              Tim
              Sometimes my mind wanders. It's always come back though......sofar!

              Comment

              • pierhogunn
                Veteran Member
                • Sep 2003
                • 1567
                • Harrisburg, NC, USA.

                #8
                usually the best lawyer jokes come from lawyers, like the best scottish jokes come from scotts

                i.e.

                Why do scotsmen wear kilts?
                .
                .
                .
                .
                Cause sheep can hear a zipper at 200 yards
                It's Like I've always said, it's amazing what an agnostic can't do if he dosent know whether he believes in anything or not

                Monty Python's Flying Circus

                Dan in Harrisburg, NC

                Comment

                • gary
                  Senior Member
                  • May 2004
                  • 893
                  • Versailles, KY, USA.

                  #9
                  I was in court and heard the following exchange. The ex-cop was in the juror pool.

                  Defense Lawyer: You're a retired police officer?
                  Ex-Cop: Yes
                  Defense Lawyer: You've dealt with lawyers many times before?
                  Ex-Cop: Yes
                  Defense Lawyer: Do you have anything against lawyers?
                  Ex-Cop: No sir; everyone has to eat.
                  Gary

                  Comment

                  • Gator95
                    Established Member
                    • Jan 2008
                    • 322
                    • Atlanta GA
                    • Ridgid 3660

                    #10
                    Originally posted by Uncle Cracker
                    Needing one sucks, too...
                    Touche

                    Comment

                    • Two Much
                      Established Member
                      • Mar 2003
                      • 365
                      • Long Island, NY
                      • (two) Ryobe BT-3's

                      #11
                      My best lawyer joke...
                      A lawyer parked his brand new Porsche in front of his office building, so that
                      all his co-workers could see it. When he was getting out of the car a passing truck
                      hit the car and tore off the door.

                      The lawyer was ranting and raving mad, when the cop arrived on the scene, the lawyer yelled, "Look at my brand new Porsche, it's ruined!" The cop said, "you're a lawyer right?" the lawyer said, "yes I am, how did you know?" the cop replied, "Cause you lawyers are so materialistic, you're just worried about your car, you haven't even noticed that your arm was ripped off as well." The lawyer looked down at his left arm and screamed, "MY ROLEX!"

                      Comment

                      • dale
                        Established Member
                        • Feb 2004
                        • 147
                        • Mesa, AZ, USA.
                        • BTS-15

                        #12
                        Heard This One Told By A Lawyer

                        My community band has an announcer that fills in the time between songs while the percussion section is rearranging itself. He happens to be a patent attorney, so I was particularly amused during one concert when he quipped:

                        98% of attorneys give the rest a bad name.
                        I really am going to make something one of these days.

                        Comment

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