Thinking Of Immigrating To The South??

[Ken Massingale]

Moved to The South

May 30, 2007 :
Just moved to South from Chicago, Illinois.
Now, this is a town that knows how to live!
Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings.
What a place!
I watched the sunset from a park while lying
on a blanket.
It was beautiful.I've finally found my home.
I love it here.

June 14, 2007 :
Really heating up.
Got to 100 degrees today. Not a problem.
Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an
air-conditioned car.
What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like
this.
I'm turning into a sun worshipper.

June 30, 2007:
Had the backyard landscaped with western
plants today.
Lots of cactus and rocks. The yard is a
breeze to maintain!
No more mowing the lawn for me. Another
scorcher today, but
I love living in the South

July 10, 2007 :
The temperature hasn't been below 100 degrees
all week.
How do people get used to this kind of heat?
At least it's kind of windy, but getting used
to the heat and humidity is taking longer that I expected.

July 15, 2007:
Fell asleep by the pool.
(Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body.)
Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to
do.
I learned my lesson, though.
Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like
this.

July 20, 2007:
Bubba (our cat) sneaked into the car when I
left this morning.
By the time I got to the hot car for lunch,
Bubba had died and swollen up to the size of a
shopping bag and stank up the $2,000
leather upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away.
The car now smells like Kibbles and shi**.
I learned my lesson, though. No more pets in
this heat.

July 25, 2007:
The wind sucks.
It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!
And it's hot as ****!
The home air-conditioner is on the Fritz,
and the AC repairman charged $200 just to
drive by and tell me he needed
to order the parts.

July 30, 2007:
Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3
nights now.
The monthly house payment is $1,500 and we
can't even go inside.
Why did I ever come here?

August 4, 2007:
It's 105 degrees. Finally got the
air-conditioner fixed today for
a cost of $900.
The temperature gets down to 78 degrees,
but this freaking humidity makes the house
feel like it's about 95 degrees.
I hate this stupid town .

August 8, 2007:
If another wise ass person cracks, "Hot
enough for you today?�? I'm going to strangle him.
**** heat.
By the time I get to work, the radiator is
boiling over, my clothes
are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!

August 9, 2007:
Tried to run some errands after work.
Wore shorts and sat on the black leather
seats in the ol' car.
I thought my ass was on fire.
I lost two layers of flesh and all the hair
on the back of my legs and ass.
Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass,
and baked cat.

August 10, 2007:
The weather report might as well be a ****
recording.
Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny.
It's been too hot to do anything for two ****
months, and the weatherman says it might really warm
up next week.
Doesn't it ever rain in this **** desert?
Water rationing will be next, so I might as
well watch $1,700 worth of cactus
just dry up and blow into the **** pool.
Not even cactus can live in this **** heat.

August 14, 2007:
Welcome to ****!!!
The temperature got to 105 degrees today.
Forgot to crack the window and blew the ****
windshield out of the
car. The installer came to fix it and said, "Hot
enough for you today?"
My wife had to spend the $1,500 house payment
to bail me out of jail.
Freaking South.
What kind of a sick demented idiot would want
to live here?

[ragswl4]

Well that pretty much says the way its been here lately. Cooled off to 98 today with a promise of 95 tomorrow. The only benefit is that its too da** hot for the rattlesnakes and scorpians. It sure is fun cutting wood in the non-air conditioned shop. Can't use any particle board cause the dripping sweat causes it to swell up. Have a nice weekend.

[stormdog74]

I once read something similar about someone who moved back east, which started the same way. What a beautiful fall - look at the leaves. Ahhh-first snow fall, how beautiful. It went on and on, but the end was the guy griping about having to shovel snow all the time.

I grew up in San Diego, which I think might be one of the few places that almost always has great weather - I never owned anything heavier than a windbreaker and we didn't need air conditioning. Then I moved to Sacramento - hot, hot hot...but as they say, at least it is a dry heat!

[Anna]

Here's something similar about Minnesota. It actually doesn't snow as much, at least not in Minneapolis. It does get really cold, though. McDonalds' ran a promo once where you buy a burger and only pay, in cents, whatever the daytime high was for the second burger. If it's less than zero, then the second burger was free. That winter, we had about three weeks straight with a high below zero , and lots of meals at McDonalds' (we were practically-starving students).



Aug: 12 Moved to our new home in Minnesota. It’s so beautiful here. The grasslands and hills are so serene and picturesque. Can hardly wait to see them with snow covering them. God’s country… I love it here.

Oct. 14 Minnesota is the most beautiful place on Earth. The leaves are turning all different colors. I love the shades of red, yellow, and orange. Went for a ride through some beautiful woodland forest and spotted some deer. They are so graceful. Certainly, they are the most beautiful animals on Earth. This must be Paradise… I love it here.

Nov. 11 Deer season will start soon. I can’t imagine anyone wanting to kill such an elegant creature. The very symbol of peace and tranquility. Hope it will snow soon… I love it here.

Dec. 2 It snowed all night. Woke up to find everything blanketed with white. It looked like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snow ball fight (I won) and when the plow came by he plowed the snow back into our driveway. I shoveled the driveway again. What a beautiful place. Mother Nature in Perfect Harmony… I love Minnesota.

Dec. 12 More snow last night. I love it. The snowplow did his trick again (that rascal). A winter wonderland!… I love it here.

Dec. 19 More snow last night. Couldn’t get out of the driveway to get to work this time. I am exhausted from too much shoveling… Friggin snowplow.

Dec. 22 More of the white sh*t fell last night. I’ve got blisters on my hands from shoveling. I think the snowplow driver hides around the corner and waits until I’m done shoveling the d*mn snow off this driveway… A**hole.

Dec. 25 “White Christmas”, my busted ass… More friggin snow. If I ever get my blistered hands on the son-of-a-b*tch who drives that piece of sh*t snowplow, I swear I’ll castrate that b*st*rd. Don’t know why they don’t use more salt on the roads to melt the friggin ice.

Dec. 28 More white last night. Been inside since Christmas Day except when shoveling out the driveway after Snowplow Harry comes. Can’t go anywhere. Car is buried in a mountain of White Sh*t. The weatherman says to expect another ten inches of the sh*t tonight. Do you know how many shovels of snow ten inches is?

Jan. 1 Happy Friggin New Year. The weatherman was wrong again. We got 34 inches of the white sh*t this time. At this rate, it won’t melt until the 4th of July. The snowplow got stuck up the road and the shithead driver had the balls to come to the door to borrow a shovel. After I told him that I’ve broken six shovels already shoveling the sh*t he pushes in my driveway, I broke my last shovel over his friggin head.

Jan. 4 Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and another shovel. On the way home a God-d*mn deer ran out in front of the car, and I killed the b*st*rd. Did about 3 grand damage to the car. Those friggin beasts should be slaughtered. Wish the hunters had killed them all in November.

May 3 Took the car to the garage in town. Would you believe the thing is rotting out from all the friggin salt they keep dumping on the road? Car looks like a sh*t box.

May 10 Moved to Texas. Can’t imagine why anyone in there friggin right mind would ever want to live in that God-forsaken State of Minnesota.

[Ed62]

I read the one Stormdog referred to, but it was the upper midwest. Both the southern one, and their northern cousins are really funny.

Yep, the one Anna posted sounds like it.

Ed

[tedkitch]

Having grown up in Texas and moved to Chicago later on in life, I thought that I would miss the heat, but I didn't. I went to visit my brother in Austin at Thanksgiving a few years ago and when I left Chicago it was 18 degrees. I get to Austin and it is 60 and every is wearing jackets! I had on shorts and everyone thought that I would freeze to death!

That heat does have a way a messing with you though.

[gerti]

Actually feels like in Minnesota we get both versions... OK, temperatures usually top out in the 90s, but with the high humidity it's still quite uncomfortable. I don't call it HVAC, I call it life support...

[Anna]

Actually feels like in Minnesota we get both versions... OK, temperatures usually top out in the 90s, but with the high humidity it's still quite uncomfortable. I don't call it HVAC, I call it life support...

I remember 100+ degrees when I was there because of the heat index, or whatever it was that was the equivalent of wind chill in the winter. We used to go on the bike routes from the U of MN all the way to Minnehaha Falls and then to the lakes, including Calhoun. One time, it was really hot and humid, and, on one of our bike rides, I convinced my friend that the best thing to do was jump in the lake with his clothes on. I told him that it will dry out really quickly. Three hours later, he was still complaining about his wet bike shorts and, apparently, that wasn't too comfortable for guys. He's never forgiven me for it, but I thought it was really funny.

[THyman]

Ken,

Welcome to the "Sunny South." It has been one of those summers for the record books. We hit 10 high records in August and an all time high of 104. Of course you have the 40-60% humidty too!

[jhart]

Sending both of those to my BIL. He moved from Northern Minnesota to Tallahasse, FL about a year ago. Says he still hasn't gotten use to the heat. Of course, in Northern MN, never got above 40 degrees!!!! or so he remembers.

[Ken Massingale]

Ken,

Welcome to the "Sunny South." It has been one of those summers for the record books. We hit 10 high records in August and an all time high of 104. Of course you have the 40-60% humidty too!

Yeah, I know, I was lucky enough to be born here! I posted this to attempt to stop the huge illegal immigration of any more folks from 'up thar' and 'out West'!

Soon the 'immigrants' are gonna outnumber us Rednecks.....

Oh, we beat you. We had 2 days at 105, al all time record.

[messmaker]

I am only as far south as kentucky but it is pretty warm here. August was the third hottest month in recorded history. My electric bill looks like my house payment.

[Mr__Bill]

I grew up in Northern Minnesota. One year it was -46 in January and come August it reached 104. Not many places can claim 150 deg temp variation. Then there was the January where it didn't get above 0 for the month. The year when there was still lots of ice in the lake come the opening of fishing season and the year where July was the only month without snow. And the skeeters... so thick they look like fog in the valleys, dear flies that could eat you alive and horse flies that can carry off small children.
Where I live now snow is only seen in the Mountains, the average temp is about 60 deg and 90 deg comes only a few times in the late summer. That 100 inches of rain in the winter is another thing. But... there are no bugs to speak of, I think that this summer I had to kill about 10 skeeters and one house fly.
Now the fish.... that is something else. I can't remember ever fishing in Minnesota when a 10 lb fish was too small to keep. We have eaten so much fresh Albacore Tuna and Salmon this fall that a berger becomes a treat.
Well the weather man says it's going to be 86 today, think I'll get some painting done in the shade before it gets too hot out.

Bill, who knows where God's Country really is.

[HarmsWay]

I grew up in Northern Minnesota. One year it was -46 in January and come August it reached 104. Not many places can claim 150 deg temp variation. Then there was the January where it didn't get above 0 for the month.

In my last year living in Saskatoon we had a high of +42C in August and a low of -42C in November. I believe that's about the same differential. It also never got warmer that -32C the first three weeks of November. And that's one reason it was my last year there.

Bob

[gwyneth]

Having grown up in Texas and moved to Chicago later on in life, I thought that I would miss the heat, but I didn't. I went to visit my brother in Austin at Thanksgiving a few years ago and when I left Chicago it was 18 degrees. I get to Austin and it is 60 and every is wearing jackets! I had on shorts and everyone thought that I would freeze to death!

The coldest I have ever been in my life was during a week a bunch of us from Madison spent in Austin. It was the middle of March, there was virtually no central heating (certainly none in the student co-op we were visiting), and back in the early 70s virtually nobody in Austin had seen down jackets. Everywhere we went, people asked us why we were wearing sleeping bags, how we'd cut up sleeping bags to make our jackets, whether we'd like some of their extra jackets instead of the sleeping bags, whether we'd mind not wearing the sleeping bags to another house's party...