New Element Discovered
A NEW ELEMENT HAS BEEN DISCOVERED
A major research institution has recently announced the discovery
of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has
been named "Governmentium" - GOV for short. GOV has one neutron,
25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy
neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since
GOV has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it
impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute
amount of GOV causes one action to take over four days to complete,
when it would normally take less than a second. GOV has a normal
half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a
reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and
deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, GOV's mass will actually increase overtime, since each
reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming
isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists
to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a
certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred
to as Critical Morass.
When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium -
an element which radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since
it has half as many peons, but twice as many morons. If you are not
clear on this explanation of Governmentium, just send a copy this
to your Senators and Congressman, and ask for a more detailed
explanation from a "Special Committee on Elements". You should
receive an interesting reply in about four years.
A major research institution has recently announced the discovery
of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has
been named "Governmentium" - GOV for short. GOV has one neutron,
25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy
neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since
GOV has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it
impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute
amount of GOV causes one action to take over four days to complete,
when it would normally take less than a second. GOV has a normal
half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a
reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and
deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, GOV's mass will actually increase overtime, since each
reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming
isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists
to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a
certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred
to as Critical Morass.
When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium -
an element which radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since
it has half as many peons, but twice as many morons. If you are not
clear on this explanation of Governmentium, just send a copy this
to your Senators and Congressman, and ask for a more detailed
explanation from a "Special Committee on Elements". You should
receive an interesting reply in about four years.
Comment