Courses For Men

**radhak** · 06-13-2007, 08:27 AM

So many classes!

Thankfully LOML does not drive when I am in the car, so do not need the parallel-park one...

Lemme ask her to register me for these...

**crokett** · 06-13-2007, 08:31 AM

Lessee here...

Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays

We have an automatic ice maker in the fridge, don't need that one

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?
I change 'em cause I can't get her to understand that the paper should come off the top -easier to roll that way

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub

Just go outside - problem solved.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
The floor is a perfectly acceptable place for clothes, esp if you will wear them the next day.

Class 5
Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Yes. How else do you explain how they get there?

Class 6
Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.

Both satellite remotes work on both our receivers.

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things--Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.

Just leave everything out all the time. Then you never have to look for it.

Class 8
Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.

No, but the reason you are bringing her flowers probably is...

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost

No, Real Men never get lost in the first place.

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?

Why is she driving while you are in the car?

Class 11
Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.

Well this gets into TMI territory....

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion

Easy - don't go shopping with her. Send one of her friends instead.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.

I got nuthin'.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.

That's why grills were invented. If you can't cook it on a grill you probably shouldn't eat it.

**LinuxRandal** · 06-13-2007, 10:21 AM

Originally posted by gad5264

Fall Classes for Men at

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

I think you'll be ROTFLYAO, I did when he was drunk and stupid enough to tell us.
I have a friend who is so whipped, his wife makes him sit to pee.

I still chuckle on that one, and we joked with a friend, who is friends with Brooks and Dunn (never heard them), that we should get it into a song.

You ain't it,
if your so whipped
Your wife makes you squat
to pee......

**Mrs. Wallnut** · 06-13-2007, 11:57 AM

I think that Class 12 should be offered from a womans stand point also.

How to go shopping at Lowes or Home Depot with your husband and pretend that you are happy to be there

.

But you know that coming from me its just a thought. I don't mind going to those places because there are things there that I like to browse through also.

**Uncle Cracker** · 06-13-2007, 12:20 PM

Let's face it, men can't win. How many times has "I'll figure it out for myself" turned into "Why didn't you tell me?", or "How do I do this?" turned into "You make me feel stupid...", or "I'll just be a minute" turned into two hours? Or "Yes you can" really meant "You better not...". Who passed the law that says the default position for the toilet seat is DOWN? Maybe it's time that she puts it down when she uses it, and then puts it back up again (the man probably installed the toilet in the first place, so he should decide). And why are there only TWO types of money? (HERS and OURS) Why can't a woman remember to check the oil and tires on her car, yet she can tell you the exact date, time and location when you first farted in front of her? No matter what happens, there's always a woman who knew it would. Women got HALF the money and ALL the...well, you know... And STILL they complain...

**Mrs. Wallnut** · 06-13-2007, 12:31 PM

Originally posted by Uncle Cracker

Let's face it, men can't win. How many times has "I'll figure it out for myself" turned into "Why didn't you tell me?", or "How do I do this?" turned into "You make me feel stupid...", or "I'll just be a minute" turned into two hours? Or "Yes you can" really meant "You better not...". Who passed the law that says the default position for the toilet seat is DOWN? Maybe it's time that she puts it down when she uses it, and then puts it back up again (the man probably installed the toilet in the first place, so he should decide). And why are there only TWO types of money? (HERS and OURS) Why can't a woman remember to check the oil and tires on her car, yet she can tell you the exact date, time and location when you first farted in front of her? No matter what happens, there's always a woman who knew it would. Women got HALF the money and ALL the...well, you know... And STILL they complain...

You are right on the toilet. I am sure a man installed it. But I am not one of those women who complain about the toilet seat. Ask Mark I very rarely say anything about him leaving beer bottles around or his clothes on the floor, actually not much bothers me when it comes to things like that.

I just pick them up launder them and throw the beer remants away and get one with life. And if the toilet seat is up I put it down, for me its easier than complaining about it. And I for one do check the oil and tires in the car and when something weird happens I am the first to tell Mark that something is wrong with the car. So maybe I am an exception to this rule or something

**Uncle Cracker** · 06-13-2007, 12:38 PM

Originally posted by Mrs. Wallnut

So maybe I am an exception to this rule or something

It's not really a rule, just a generalization. There are exceptions to every one, just as there are to those critical of men. One interesting double standard seems to be that men don't seem to be nearly as bothered when they are grouped together and generalized, as women do when the same thing happens to them. Lack of sensitivity? I dunno...

**Anna** · 06-13-2007, 01:17 PM

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.

I've always wondered about that one. No matter where I put things, even when they're at his eye level, and you can see them as soon as you open the fridge or the kitchen cabinet doors, he ALWAYS has to yell out, "Honey, where is the ______?" And he always looks somewhere else! Even when he was the one who put it away, he can never find anything. When I was gone for a day, I had to put his lunch stuff together in the fridge just so he won't be calling me on the cell asking, "Where's the mayo?" or something.

As for the toilet seat problem, my solution is having separate bathrooms. He gets the master bath (but only because it takes too long for the warm water to come out the tap) and I have the guest bath. The one time he used my bathroom and forgot to put the toilet seat back down, I almost fell in (well, I was half asleep and not really looking). It's been a year, but I just reminded him of it again today, although he hasn't used my bathroom since. Just thought I'd make sure anyway.

But with shopping, he's been wonderful. The few times he agreed to go shopping with me, he actually tried to be very patient. It was kind of cute to see all these men at Macy's carrying their spouses shopping bags, waiting and commiserating with each other while the women were trying out clothes. At least he wasn't so lonely.

**cabinetman** · 06-13-2007, 02:29 PM

Hey, there are times I pick up my wife's panties off the floor...by the waistband. And the times I go shopping with her on the grounds I'm to help her pick out clothes...puttin' yourself in PARK in the ladies department ain't all that bad.

**Uncle Cracker** · 06-13-2007, 04:32 PM

Originally posted by cabinetman

...puttin' yourself in PARK in the ladies department ain't all that bad.

Unless there's a sale on the newest spandex collection by Hugh Jass...

**leehljp** · 06-13-2007, 05:11 PM

My back looks like a pretzel from the way my 3 girls twisted me around their little fingers! I confess to being compliant to most of the list above.

LOML found that she couldn't change my "thinking" to comply to more than one of those characteristics per decade. . . so she made the girls do those things for me. Then, being wrapped around their finger . . .

Shucks, I have been known to instinctively put the toilet seat down! LOML is LOML, But my three daughters are the apples of my eye!

Courses For Men

Courses For Men

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