Doctor...You Wanna Do What????

[cabinetman]

I had gone almost 30 years without a decent physical. The Army discharge physical was the last until around 2001, when we had a group health policy. The only thing I can say about Army hospitals is that a male can get a D&C, (no not a dusting and cleaning) a hysterectomy.

So one of my trips to the doctor was to a Gastrointerologist, which I call a Gastrointeriorologist, to find some reason for irregularity. Sounds simple. But nooooo. After a short little talk to get acquainted, She asked me to drop my pants and lean over the table, while she put on rubber gloves. Just the sight and sound of them cause certain muscles to tighten up. Never had one of these examinations before. I prefer the white cotton glove type, like an Army IG inspection.

Anyway after she did her thing back there I was set up for a colonoscopy. I passed that exam with flying colors (sorry for the pun), and had a few nodes removed, whatever they are, and then she suggested that if anything developed I should see a Proctologist.

Now from what I understand a Proctologist is even more invasive. I can't for the life of me figure out why someone would go to 4 years of college, 4 years of medical school, maybe 2 years of specialty study and 2-4 years of residency and WANT to be a Proctologist. You would think it would be a student that barely made it through medical school and be told that the only opening (sorry for the pun) is in Proctology.

After my first year with all the different doctors and surgeries, several of my doctors told me I was their first patient that had exceeded the co-pays for the year, and I wasn't charged. I feel so good about that.
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[Perfidiajoe]

So what are you saying, A Proctologist starts at the bottom & stays there. Did he say" If there is any trouble he'll get to the bottom of it"......................Sorry I couldn't resist.

[germdoc]

What do you say when you argue with a proctologist? "Butt, Doctor..."

If a Psychiatrist is nicknamed "Shrink" and an orthopedist is nicknamed "Bones", what would a proctologist be nicknamed? Just askin'.

[Ed62]

Glad to hear you passed the colonoscopy. I had mine last year, and the doc said "I'll see you in 10 years for another one."

I actually had a local hospital send my insurance company a bill for a D&C I supposedly had. That was probably 15 years ago, so or. We got a kick out of that.

Ed

[gsmittle]

I had one of those too a few years ago. I'm told I asked for a "to go" order of the Happy Juice....

Heard this joke on an old episode of M*A*S*H:

"I wanted to be a bum doctor but the proctology class was full."

g.

[jackellis]

I suppose it's a bit uncomfortable for a man to see a woman doctor and have her prodding and probing, but I'll bet most of the wives see men and they don't complain much, do they?

My last two family docs have been women - younger women at that. They listen better and they ask better questions than the men I've been to. I chose them on the strength of recommendations by a friend of my wife's who is a nurse.

[Jeffrey Schronce]

I suppose it's a bit uncomfortable for a man to see a woman doctor and have her prodding and probing, but I'll bet most of the wives see men and they don't complain much, do they?

My last two family docs have been women - younger women at that. They listen better and they ask better questions than the men I've been to. I chose them on the strength of recommendations by a friend of my wife's who is a nurse.

MUCH rather have a lady playing back there! 1) Makes me more secure in my sexuality and 2) smaller hands!

[Hellrazor]

MUCH rather have a lady playing back there! 1) Makes me more secure in my sexuality and 2) smaller hands!

Until you meet her and find out she was the starting center on her colleges basketball team...

[cabinetman]

Or a linewoman on the football team.

[jackellis]

The one from several years back did play basketball in college. We were sorry when she left the area.

[cabinetman]

The one from several years back did play basketball in college. We were sorry when she left the area.

What area are you talkin' about?

[MilDoc]

My last two family docs have been women - younger women at that. They listen better and they ask better questions than the men I've been to....

Hate to say it but in many cases you're right. Given a boydoc and a girldoc of equal capabilities, the girldoc does listen better. But ehn there was the girldoc pediatrician whose favorite saying was that the world would be a better place if all the grandparenst dropped dead tomorrow.

[cabinetman]

Hate to say it but in many cases you're right. Given a boydoc and a girldoc of equal capabilities, the girldoc does listen better. But ehn there was the girldoc pediatrician whose favorite saying was that the world would be a better place if all the grandparenst dropped dead tomorrow.

Yeah, but who then will raise the baby with any sense.

[leehljp]

MUCH rather have a lady playing back there! 1) Makes me more secure in my sexuality and 2) smaller hands!

Nothing against MilDoc Paul here but I feel the same way! Back in 2000, I was supposed to have a physical done. LOML, along with my MIL, got into an argument with me over women/men doctors and challenged me, as a man, to have a woman examine me. My wife made the appointment for her and for me, and the prostate exam was much more "comfortable" for me than I would have thought.

LOML didn't know what to make of the smile on my face when I came out of my initial examination! I never smiled after a man examined me back there.

I usually have a colonoscopy every 4 years. All of those, so far, have been done by men. Not any fun!

[germdoc]

True story. As a fresh young intern starting on the General Medicine service, one of the older residents was telling me a bit about the rotation before the attending showed up.

He said, "You're gonna love Bernie as the attending. He's hilarious. He does a rectal exam on every single patient with all of us there in the room."

"What's so funny about that?"

"Have you seen the size of his hands?"

A half hour or so later we met Dr. K--6'6" in height at least, with hand big enough to palm a basketball--and went to round on patients. First patient, he finishes up the history and physical, and says, "Mr. Smith, there's just one more thing we need to do" and puts on the rubber glove. All 4 of us residents starting smiling, snickering and trying to keep from laughing out loud. He turned around and gave us a funny look. The patient was less than thrilled a moment later.

That's the epitome of medical humor, in a nutshell.