Patients say the darndest things

[germdoc]

True story: I had an 89-year-old, rather healthy lady in the office yesterday. She told me she was talking to her 89-year-old companion, lamenting her age.

"At age 89, what do we have to look forward to?"

His reply: "90."


A few years ago I had a very healthy, spry 95-year-old lady who had been widowed for many years. I asked her if she ever thought about dating again, though I ribbed her she might have to go out with younger men.

Her reply: "Honey, at my age, ALL men are younger men."


Back in medical school we had an elderly gentleman who had prostate cancer and was told he would need removal of his testicles to manage the cancer. He got a pained look on his face, looked down at his groin, and said, "You know, I don't get much use out of 'em these days, but I'd kinda like to keep 'em around just for the memories."

[cabinetman]

A saying I heard about old age sex: "It takes all night to do what you used to do all night".

My take: If anything lasts that long it can't be all that bad.
.

[crokett]

An oldie...

An older gent and a young buck are sitting on a bench outside the hardware store. After an exceptionally PYT walks by the young guy says 'I wonder how old a man gets before he loses interest in women?'. The old guy says 'I don't know, but it must be older than 88!'.

[paintandbodtman]

Another oldie

Two bulls grazing,young bull says to older bull look at all those heifers over in the other pasture lets run over to the other side of the pasture jump the fence and mount a couple, older bull says naa go ahead ,I think I'll walk over, crawl under the fence and mount all of them.

Something to be said about expereience

[isddarms]

It's amazing how other people seem to age faster than we think we do. This joke makes the point pretty well:

I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his diploma, which bore his full name. Suddenly I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name who had been in my high school class some 40 odd years ago.

Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on way back when?

Upon seeing him however, I quickly discarded that thought. This balding, gray haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to be my classmate, or was he?

After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High School.

"Yes, yes I did. I'm a Mustang," he gleamed with pride.

I asked, "When did you graduate?"

He answered, "In 1959. Why do you ask?"

I exclaimed, "You were in my class!"

He looked at me closely.

Then, that ugly, old. wrinkled, fat, gray, decrepit son of a ***** asked, "What class did you teach?"

[Ed62]

True story. My elderly mother-in-law was in the hospital. A nurse wanted to find out if she was oriented, so she asked her if she knew where she was. MIL: "Yes I know where I am."
Nurse: "Where are you?"
MIL: "I'm right here. Where did you think I was?"

[Ed62]

Another true one. My neighbor, across the street, was 90 years old (nice guy). We always talked when we saw each other outside. One day as we were both getting the mail, I saw him.

"How are you doing today, Jack?" I asked.

Jack: "I'm not feeling too good today." He then went on telling me about the time he was in a nursing home for a month or so. "You know it's not all old people in nursing homes. There was a young woman in there I really felt sorry for. She was blind, and couldn't have been a day over 65!"

[Pappy]

My mother worked until she was 75. The last few years she worked for a home care facility and made visits to people that couldn't get out of their homes. When asked if she was enjoying her retirement, she would say she still worked. The next question was always, "What do you do?"

"I take care of OLD people!"

[lago]

Another true story...
Was with my dad, at 91, when he was scheduled for surgery. Nurse came in prior to surgery and asking him various questions. Found out he lived in small town and asked 'Have you lived in Goliad all your life?' He said' No, I am not dead yet'. Nurse didn't know what to say.

Today, I was with him at the eye doctor. Nurse was questioning him and ask how many children he had. He said 'none, but my wife had 5'.

Ken

[moc]

One thanksgiving my two sets of grandparents were sitting around the table chatting. At the time they were all in their late 80's. One mentioned that one of her neighbors had turned 100. They all agreed that that was "too old" and they wouldn't want to live to be 100. Then there's a pause... and Grandma says, "I hear you change your mind when you're 99."

*moc

[LinuxRandal]

I remember having a discussion about music and various tastes with older generations growing up. Years ago, I caught an episode of a show called Jump Street (I think). Never really watched it, but it was doing flashbacks and had an actor (artifically aged), reliving his youth, while rocking out to Hendrix.

That memory popped back up when I saw this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqfFrCUrEbY

[JR]

I was sitting with my father in the hospital, just a couple of days prior to his death. He was pretty out of it and was sleeping when my mother came in to visit. I'm not sure what motivated her, but she poked in him in the chest a couple of times to wake him up.

Mom: Jimmy! Jimmy! Are you asleep?
Dad: I was.
Mom: How do you feel?
Dad: All thing considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia.

JR

[mater]

I was watching the news one night and a 90 year man who was still working was going to remarry. The woman was 70 years old and as he was talking about the wedding he said he was robbing the cradle. I had to laugh as his remark.

[moc]

For those who listen to NPR, you know that "Morning Edition" has little off-beat blurbs before they break for the news update. A few years back they ran one about the oldest man in the world dying. A reporter asked the "new" oldest man in the world what it was like to be 114 years-old:

"I'm very, very, very tired and I pray for death."

*moc

[Richard in Smithville]

This past Chrismas season, Mine and another family went to a seniors home to sing carols to the residents. as we were leaving my friend Steve noticed that, right on the front cover of an over 65 magazine, was Rod Stewart and his life as a senior . Now that all my Rod Stewart Albums have been put away......