I hate this part of my job the most.

[gsmittle]

As most of you know, I'm a high school teacher. On Monday, I came into work grumbling about how spring break was over and how I needed at least three days to recover, etc. Then I found out that a student I had last year, a bright, high-achieving, straight-A, well-liked president of the junior class had put a rifle under her chin and shot herself Sunday evening.

Needless to say, I didn't do a lot of teaching this week--more like listening to kids cry and supplying Kleenex. I lost count of how many times I said "It wasnt' your fault," when I felt like maybe it was my own fault, even though I didn't have the girl this year.

I went to the wake on Wednesday--there were at least 500 people there when I was. I was in line over two hours, and when I reached the family, I didn't have any words that would help. "I'm sorry" is pitifully inadequate.

Things are slowly getting back to normal--I've seen a couple of smiles this morning, and the conversation in the hall is getting closer to normal volume.

I just wish the girl had known how much she was loved--it might have made a difference.

Thanks for reading.

g.

[Ken Massingale]

What terrible news. My condolences, but as you said, "I'm sorry" is pitifully inadequate.

[Tom Miller]

...I'm a high school teacher....

You're already doing more than your share. Thank you.

Regards,
Tom

[JR]

I just wish the girl had known how much she was loved--it might have made a difference.

Probably not. Depression is a powerful force, complying with no known logic.

I wish the best for the students at your school. They must be mightily confused right now.

JR

[Jbridge337]

I got myself help for the same situation almost a year ago. Hardest thing I've ever done. Recognizing the problem wasn't going to resolve itself as it had a few years prior was difficult to accect due to employment concerns. As odd as it may be, coming forward cost me my job in the aviation industry. I was OK to work as long as they didn't know I had a problem and it was untreated. Try to get better and we can't use you anymore. When it is all said and done, being around for my family is all that really matters.

One of the few courses I remember from college (not aviation related degree) was a philosophy course called "Morality and a Sense of Justice". One of the topics we discussed was suicide and the impact it has on those around you--family, friends, emergency responders, etc. Little did I know 20 years ago the impact that course would have on my life. Suicide is a topic that really needs to be addressed at an earlier level, but trying to convince teen and preteen kids that what is going on in their lives at the moment is such a small slice of the grand scheme of things is quite a challenge.

If any good can come out of the situation, maybe there is a sense of awareness among all in the school and a dialogue can be opened to discuss a taboo topic to help prevent others from making the same choice.

My condolences.

Jim

[passlake]

There are never adequate words, especially when the things that happen make no sense to those left to mourn the loss.

As a father of four ranging from 14 down to 6, I can promise you that I'm going to spend a little extra time hugging each one of them tonight, specifically because of your post. Thank you for sharing it with us, and know that you have this community, such as it is, behind you. I'm sure I speak for many when I tell you that our thoughts and prayers are with this family, the school, and with you.

We need more teachers who care--thank you for being one of them!

Troy Wise

[gad5264]

You're already doing more than your share. Thank you.

Regards,
Tom

I have to second what Tom said, sometimes I don't know how teachers do it.

[Ed62]

It's always a shock when it's someone you know, and it's always hard to handle. I would never tell anybody I know how they feel. I only know it's very hard. My thoughts and prayers are with you and everyone close to the situation.

Ed

[crokett]

My sister also teaches at a high school and one of her students did the same thing two years ago. I remember how deeply affected my sister was. I grieve for the family of this girl at your school. Thanks for being there and doing what you do.

[gsmittle]

Update

First of all, thank all of you very much for your kind words. They're very much appreciated.

I've heard many, many rumors since the funeral, some downright vicious. We will NEVER know what this bright young lady was thinking, why she wanted to end her life. Privacy considerations keep me from giving more details.

My biggest concern now is for several of her good friends, most of whom I've either had in class or have now. Most seem to be doing OK, but I keep checking. These things often lead to a rash of sucides, and we've had enough grief for one year.

I've passed out a lot of hugs in the past couple of weeks, to girls and guys alike. At the funeral home, the girl's mom cried on my shoulder for several minutes.

Seems like I do a lot of teaching, but mostly in how to cope with life, not in my subject area. I feel my mission is more teaching teeners HOW to learn, than filling their heads with facts. Critical thinking skills are sorely needed in this day and age.

I've talked to both of my boys before this, and did so again, about getting help when one needs it. It ain't "tough" to keep stuff to yourself; it's tougher to get help. I know I've needed counseling a time or two.

Teaching is really tough sometimes, but I can't think of anything I'd rather do with my time.

Thanks again to all of you.

g.

[softop41]

gs....
I am a retired Hs teacher and over my 34 year career (all at the same H), we had several such episodes. They never get any easier to deal with. Another toughy is when a well-liked teacher dies unexpectedy which we also had.
Good Luck,
Jerry

[JeffW]

I have seen many of these things over the years and even had one that occurred in the school parking lot. You have to remember what suicide is all about. It is not a reflection on the person or the people around that person. It is a matter of the person escaping pain. They are in such pain, either real or imagined, that they seek death to relieve it. In dealing with depressed/suicidal people one must find way to instill hope. While there are signs that become visible when you look at the situation after it occurred, people have a have tendency to blame themselves saying " I should have spotted it." In reality, many of these sign are visible everyday in most of us.

I know that many teachers take this especially hard with many feeling that they have failed. Trust me you did not fail and there is really nothing you could have done to prevent it. Your job is to stay strong for those students of yours that are still here. Keep up the good work.


Now stepping down from soapbox.

[cabinetman]

That's very sad. Not much you can do except try to be aware of the signs. I've had several situations of having to deal with suicide. When I was sixteen, my mother had terminal cancer and was very sick for a long time. She left a note fully explaining her reasons. I found her one morning, and even though I understood and was expecting her to die, it was devastating.

I had a friend that I knew from high school that was in and out of jobs, estranged from his family, kind of lost. He was very athletic, worked out all the time, was good looking, and had a good personality. You would think he had everything going for him.

He became unemployed for a period of time, and I hired him to help out around the shop. He showed an interest in woodworking and I thought he may be a quick learner. He showed signs of depression and talked about "pulling the plug".

One day he was sitting across from me at my desk and started this talk again. I took out a loaded 38cal revolver, that I had in my drawer and placed it on the desk in front of me. He looked at it and asked what the heck I was doing. I said to him that I am his dear friend. If this is what you want to do, I want to be with you, your last moments so you won't be alone. If there is anything you would like to say, I'll be right here with you to share what's on your mind.

He looked right at me and said "Are you crazy?" Well, he didn't do it. He wound up moving away months later. We stayed in contact and he got a good job that he said he liked. Then we lost contact for a long time. He moved, didn't call or write. About two years later, I saw his ex-wife in a grocery store and I asked about him whether she had heard anything, and she said he did it.

I was shocked. I thought that our "desk" talk brought a sense of rationale. I also realized that with some people there is no way of talking them out of something once their mind is made up. They either see no future or don't want to deal with it.

[Warren]

First let me preface this with a disclaimer. I'm only speaking from my experiences.

Jeff missed one other factor in suicide. Some people use suicide as a way to get back at someone. It's the "I'll show them" response to a real or imagined slight. Suicide is sometimes used to inflict guilt on others.

Further, in my experience, a suicide usually discusses or threatens with someone they trust explicity and have sworn to secrecy, or with whomever they wish to persecute with guilt. This is often laughed off, rarely taken serious. Usually this is only talk. Sometimes it is a signal. Such talk or discussion should always be taken serious when made known to an adult.

Shrinks will say that everyone thinks of suicide at times. Usually as an option, usually only in passing and then quickly discarded as an option. But, when it is brought up in a discussion . . . it's a little more serious and should be taken seriously.

The suicide rate among teens can also be a reflection on what is happening in the US and Europe. More than a couple of locations are teaching that suicide is a right, having enacted enabling laws, and that people can even help others to kill themselves. Granted that it is couched in terms of stopping physical suffering in the aged, but teens see what adults do and hear what they say, then filter it to fit their own situation, not grasping the nuances and distinctions adults use in arguing the pros and cons. Cigarette smoking is one such conundrum, it's bad - but adults do it, governments use the tax proceeds, so how bad can it be. If cigarettes are so bad, outlaw them. If suicide is so bad, why are they (adults) working to legaize it? It's advertised as an acceptable release from an otherwise tough life.

We send the younger generations mixed signals and then wring our hands when the impressionable teens buy into it. Being a teenager is confusing enough without all of the cloudy, nebulous messages floating around them.

Parents, by and large, see only what they wish to see in their children. Most hope to see their children through to adulthood and adopt an attitude of that "what I don't know can't hurt me" so, thay do the talks, watch from a distance and cherish the hope that all will turn out fine, that the devestating call from the police will never come.

So if you are parenting, suck it up and get closely involved with your charges. All the while trying not to be smothering and letting the kids grow. Tough job? You bet! And full-time, with very few bennies. Until the grand kids start to arrive. Then .. . well, it's time to enjoy and turn the child reaing over to your child. Let them suffer for a while.

[mater]

That is always sad news to hear. It is good that you are there for the other students.