It has been a very bad week

[Hoover]

I am very bad at times with dealing with problems lately, both on my own and others. I am posting this with more of letting things out rather than asking for any pity.
I am not asking for pity, but recent events have been overwhelming. I have Prostate cancer, for which I am under medical treatment and continuosly montoring my blood tests. I can deal with this.
On March 7th, my love of my life, my wife of nearly 34 years lost her sight in her left eye. This has been very difficult to deal with, because she enjoys doing sewing, crocheting and reading. She is very strong emotionally but frustrated in doing what she loves.
Today, I learn that my only child, has testicular cancer, and has to undergo surgery on Friday.
My ex-daughter in-law is trying to have the court take away the custody of my grandchildren. She has fought every attempt for mediation, and in trying to reach a settlement, she is making wild accusations on how my son and new daughter-in-law are in contempt of court, etc.
My new daughter-in-law is a very loving and caring individual. Today, she announced that she is having some serious health issues, and she is afraid that she may have cancer as well.
Where does all of this, make any sense??? I am not asking for pity, but why does my family have to go through with this???????????????

[Ken Massingale]

Wow, you really have it loaded on, Hoover. It does seem that the old 'When it rains it pours' saying is true, doesn't it?
The way I see things is to seek and accept support from friends and family, prayer if one is so inclined, and treat life as one would if forced to eat an Elephant, take one bite at a time and try not to worry about how much is left to endure.
Good luck to you and your family, I'll keep you in my thoughts.
ken

[Stytooner]

Sounds like you and your Family are going through some extremely difficult times. There is no real answer that I can come up with for you. I know it will take tremendous strength from all involved to pull through this. This is what I hope you guys can summon up. Life can often deal us a hand that we don't think we deserve. I have heard that these times are meant to make you stronger. My thoughts are with you guys.

[Ed62]

That's a lot of stress for anybody. My wife has had breast cancer twice within the last 12 years, and my brother has prostate cancer. The good news is that things are not as they once were when someone had cancer. Both are doing very well. I sometimes think the emotional side of it is as bad or worse than the problem itself.

Your family has my sympathy. My wife has had a lot of medical problems since the late 1980s, but she still has her eyesite. She had surgery yesterday to remove cataracts on one eye, and has to have the other done when this one heals. She is a bookworm, and she told me yesterday she didn't know what she'd do if she lost her sight. So I can only begin to imagine how your wife feels. It's hard, but we all have the ability to cope with life changing events.

There are times in life where it seems unbearable. If you or your loved ones don't feel as though it's something you can handle, please get professional help in the way of counseling. That can be a life saving decision for you. My prayers and thoughts are with you.

Ed

[softop41]

Wow! That is a full plate. My first wife died of leukemia and my second has had breast cancer. I wondered 'why me' at those times but made it through and got to better know just what I'm made of each time. In retrospect, my troubles were almost insignificant in light of those of others such as yourself. Sometimes it just doesn't seem 'fair' but I guess we don't get to make the rules about what life throws at us. Our thoughts and prayers are with you now and in the forseeable future. Try to find time everyday, around all the stuff you HAVE to do, to do something you enjoy for a while; that's how I made it through.
Hang in there
Jerry

[germdoc]

My prayers go out to you.

I overheard someone on a cellphone yesterday say, "God never give us more than we can bear." I almost said, "Sure, but why does he have to test this proposition so often?"

Hang in there.

[jseklund]

Hoover,
I have a slightly different view on things than most. I don't try to put reason to why bad things happen. I know a lot of people find comfort in thinking, "It happened for a reason" and if this helps, that is great. However, sometimes I think bad things "just happen" and there is no justification for it. I am sure you and your family are great people, and I will not try to justify these challenges in any way. I don't think it makes you stronger, or tests family bonds, etc. I think YOU will find the good in it if you choose to do so. I.e.- if you fight on and need to become stronger, then you will find it. It sounds like that is what you are doing, and I applaud you.

I also take exception to the fact that you say you are "very bad at times with dealing with problems lately". How are you judging this? What is your rule for saying you are good or bad? My rule is: If you are faced with a problem and you keep getting up and fighting- then you are GREAT at dealing with it. It sounds like your rule may be something along the lines of: If I feel worn down and want to give up at times- I am doing a bad job. Everyone feels that way sometime- even people who do a great job fighting challenges. You have the RIGHT to feel that way at times. It is what you do after you have those emotions that matters- it's the space in between. I think you are doing a great job with these challenges. And sometimes it helps to eliminate the word problem from the vocabulary. Most of us call challenges problems- and they are very different.

I believe it was Brian Tracy who once said- if you have a frog to eat then don't think about it- just do it. If you have a whole bunch of frogs to eat- start with the biggest one first!

And finally, there's a movie about the Dahli Lama that my gf loves- Kun Dun. In the movie there is a scene where the Dahli Lama snaps his fingers and says, "Things change." I don't know why, but the delivery just was perfect. You may want to watch it. I think of that scene when I need confidence in dealing with changes.

Getting off my motivation soap box- I want you to know I wish you the best. I know you can beat this and we all care about you. I hope you can take something from this post if you need it. If it doesn't help you, then I hope you find what you need in another post or another place. We are here for you.

[Mrs. Wallnut]

Hoover,
I know how you are feeling and I have a hard time dealing with things also. My grandmother lost her sight a few years ago to Macular Degeneration (spelling) and it has been a hard road for her to deal with giving up driving and also she has to rely on others to help her shop and read labels. I do not know if this is what has happened to your wife but my grandmother got a machine that she can put books, bills, etc. under and make it as large as she needs it to be so that she can read it.

Back in the last part of Dec. and begining of Jan. we had one of those weeks. First right after christmas my grandmother went into the hospital for having too much calcium in her system and that was causing her kidneys to act up, then we get her home on the 1st of Jan and two days later my grandpa fell and broke his hip and had to have some surgery. Then a couple of days later Mark cut his finger and we were in the ER with him and then a week or two later my great grandmother, who is 102, was in the hospital with flu like symptoms. Then a week ago she was back in the hospital because she had fallen and they thought she broke her hip, but that wasn't the case.

I know that doesn't compare to your situation, but if you can share with us what is going on and feel better about telling someone then if things get to bad then call and ask about counseling. I know that some hospitals and other groups offer support groups for a lot of things and maybe getting together with people in the same types of situations may help you out. Actually it may help all of you out by doing that.

I will keep your family in my prayers.

[Hoover]

Thanks to everyone who has posted. My family is holding up rather well considering the recent chain of events. We will come out of this stronger in our faith and resilience. Again, thank you all!!!

[mater]

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[RickCarpenter]

My prayers are with you and your family. Very thought-provoking what you said...

We will come out of this stronger in our faith and resilience.

My preacher recently said "God doesn't work for good by all things, He works for good in all things." Sounds like you know that. Rick

[SARGE..g-47]

I couldn't explain why things happen multi-ply as they seem to do, nor how to handle them in your shoes. But I do know that we all wake up each day and are faced with playing the cards we get dealt in reality.

I am without words with the exception of: "When the going gets tough, the tough get going"!

Best wishes and highest regards... john t and family