The Female Merit/Demerit System

[Texas splinter]

Ok guys, here is the crib sheet on how females grade us guys. Girls, you know you do...

In the world of romance, one single rule applies:
Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and
you get points. Do something she dislikes, and
points are subtracted. You don't get any points for
doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way
the system is set up.


Here is a guide to the point system:


SIMPLE DUTIES
* You make the bed. (+1)
* You make the bed but forget the decorative pillow. (0)
* You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets. (-1)
* You go out to buy her what she wants. (+5) In
the rain. (+8) But return with Beer. (-5)
* You check out a suspicious noise at night. (+1)
* You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing. (0)
* You check out a suspicious noise and it is something. (+5)
* You pummel it with iron rod. (+10)
* It's her pet. (-20)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party. (0)
You stay by her side for a while and then leave to
chat with a college buddy. (-2)
Named Tina. (-10)
Tina is a dancer. (-20)
Tina has silicone implants. (-80)

HER BIRTHDAY
You take her out to dinner. (+2)
You take her out to dinner, and it's not a sports bar. (+3)
Okay, it is a sports bar. (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night. (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and
your face is painted the colors of your favorite team. (-10)

A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie. (+1)
You take her to a movie she likes. (+3)
You take her to a movie you hate. (+6)
You take her to a movie you like. (-2)
It's called 'Death Cop.' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable potbelly. (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to
get rid of it. (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to
baggy jeans and Hawaiian shirts. (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter; you have one too." (-8000)

THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you lose points no matter what]
You hesitate in responding. (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response. (-20)

COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem, you
listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression. (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes. (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV. (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep. (-4000)

[MilDoc]

OK - Do not show this to LOML ....

[Jaden]

Just doing a quick tally it seems I'm already irredeemably in the red


Steve

[crokett]

That's all the little stuff. And I am always in trouble on the little stuff - I do it on purpose since it is fun getting out of trouble. It's the big stuff you need to worry about.

[Ed62]

God put females on this earth to be sure we didn't win.

Ed

[leehljp]

I have been married long enough that I have learned most of those from experience. I am a slow learner, but I do learn!

This thread reminded me of my high school days and my three buddies. We were not the sports jocks although one other and myself did play at least two sports - baseball and foot ball. One became an insurance millionaire, one a doctor, one fighter pilot and me the missionary learning the devil's language. (Japanese has been referred to as the devil's language since Xavior.)

Back in HS, (average grade class size was 50) my buddies and I were talking one day about the above subject, but from the perspective of "dates" (instead of wife,) and what they liked. Then that led to discussion on how to make them feel "popular."

We devised a scheme of finding out who (which girls) had a date and then calling them to ask for a date, knowing that they could not go because they already had one. We were smart enough to not overdo this and be descrete, selective, systematic yet random enough. This went on for a couple of years.

It worked, but backfired a couple of times as two of my buddies ended up with dates that they were not expecting. We were always (supposedly) held in high esteem by most of the girls of our classes.

Stroke those egos of the ladies! Great dividends!

[pierhogunn]

I do see one flaw in this system, you can get more than +1 for anything, most women are not that generous.

I repaired my wife's favorite keyboard last night, and instead of a hug and a thankyou, the best I got what, I am amazed that you know how to do that.

[radhak]

I do see one flaw in this system, you can get more than +1 for anything, most women are not that generous.

I repaired my wife's favorite keyboard last night, and instead of a hug and a thankyou, the best I got what, I am amazed that you know how to do that.

You must not be married long enough - you did not recognize manna from heaven. What you got is high praise. A medium praise would have been - "thank heavens, at least I can use it again now" (note the 'thanks' is directed elsewhere but meant for you) and a grudging praise would have been "finally, its fixed!".

The hug and the thankyou, you get before marriage or on the way out to the honeymoon (not on the way back), or from your offspring (while they are still young).