Interesting Phone Conversations 2 (practical jokes)

[leehljp]

Crocket's post of "interesting conversation" here reminds me of a few that I initiated in my earlier days. Two are written out below.

First Interesting phone conversation:

Background: About 30 years ago a friend who was always the jokester to everyone, but still a good friend, came over just after work one evening to help me build a fence. Instead of actually helping, he stood around talking to about 8 PM, then he left. He lived about 20 minutes away. About 2 minutes after he left, I called his wife and here is the conversation:

Me: Jane, is Lamar there?
Jane: No Hank, He is supposed to be at your house.
me: Well, he hasn't been here. We were supposed to build a fence, . . . oh well, tell him to call me when he gets home. Bye
Jane: Bye

An hour later, no call from him, so I call him. He answers,
Me: Are you in trouble?
Lamar: You better tell my wife. She wouldn't even let me call you to get out of trouble!




Second one:

Background: About 15 years ago, a couple of close missionary friends and I had been to a three day conference about two hours out from Tokyo. We got back into Tokyo about 10 AM on a Saturday. One lived in Tokyo not too far from me. The other one lived in Sasebo, about a 4 hour flight and train ride back home. His flight didn't leave until 4 PM. With time to spare before his flight, he wanted to go the the world famous electronic district of Tokyo called Akihabara. Mike and I agreed to go with Dennis.

Dennis looked at computers and all kinds of software and made the comment: "Debbie said she would kill me if I bought a computer back with me."

That evening about 7 PM, before Dennis had the time to arrive home, I called Debbie.

Me: Debbie, Is Dennis back yet?
Debbie: No, he is on the train now. He should be home in an hour or so.
Me: Oh, Ok. Tell him that I got the package, the computer to the delivery people. They will deliver it on Monday.
Debbie: Did he get a computer?
Me: It was a small one, just the computer, not the monitor. Just tell him it is on the way. Ask him to call me when he gets in!

An hour and a half later, Dennis calls me!
Dennis: You better talk to Debbie and get this cleared up now! She is MAD at me!

Debbie stayed mad at me for 6 months!



Hey life is fun, enjoy it!

[cabinetman]

Doctor calls his patient and says "I've got bad news and worse news, which do you want first?"

Patient: "Well Doc, give me the bad news".

Doctor: "I've got your test results, and you've got 24 hrs to live!"

Patient: "Doc, what could be worse than that?"

Doctor: "I should have called you yesterday".

[Stytooner]

Hank, with a friend like you, who needs an enema? Those guys got their butts chewed out. I like it.
Can you send me your Wife's phone number just in case, Buddy?

[Mrs. Wallnut]

A few years ago when we had a land line we kept getting calls from telemarketers. Well one day Mark answered the phone and this person was trying to sell us or get us to either refinance the house or get one of their credit cards. Well Mark finally asked him where she was located and she said somewhere back in the Midwest. So he proceeded to ask her if she had a wood stove, when she said no Mark told her, "Well if you don't have a wood stove then I can't sell you a load of wood now can I." it was shortly after that that she hung up on him. I sat in the chair and was rolling.

And another one happened about two weeks later and it was from the same company, but this time the guy was from Orange County, CA. So Mark asked him if he would like to buy a refer load of snow and said he would deliver it for 175,000.00 cash to be paid upon delivery. The guy still tried to sell Mark what ever he was trying to sell. Mark finally explained to the guy that since he wasn't going to buy the snow then he wasn't going to buy the thing the telemarketer was pushing him to get. I think that if you ask telemarketers some outrageous questions about them buying something that you are trying to sell most of them will not finish the call.

Now that we don't have a land line, we don't get those kinds of calls anymore, and thats the way I like it.

[SHADOWFOX]

My LOML do not like it when I answer the phone when telemarketers are calling. I told her that if they want to inconvenient us by calling at 8:30 PM or sometimes in the middle of dinner then it's just right that I teach them a lesson.

Anybody ever heard of "Jerky Boys"? There is a character called "Kissel" that sounds like a cranky old fellow. Well last night 9:00 PM Comcast telemarketer called selling digital phone service.


Phone ringing..
Me pretending to be Kissell: Hello
Caller: Is Mr. and Mrs. de la Pena there?
Kissel: Ahhh Nope this is Kissel Chris's dad, how may I help you maam?
Caller: It's okay I'll just call back later.
Kissel: Hold on don't hang up. What's your name?
Caller: My name is Kelly and I was going to talk to Mr. de la Pena about our digital phone service.
Kissel: Anybody ever told you that you have a soothing voice "old man groan"
Caller: No sir.
Kissel: Well Kelly you have a very soothing and mighty fine voice "old man groan"
Caller: Thank you, Mr. Kissell
Kissel: You're welcome, toots! (I then went to the bathroom and flushed the toilet)
Caller: What's that? Is that the toilet flushing?
Kissel: Dang it, toots! I was trying to be polite so I figured I'd fire a courtesy flush after dropping a big one.
Caller: Sir I have to go. Have a goodnight.
Kissel: Later, toots!
Caller: Bye (hang up the phone)

Wife said "You are so mean!"

[jlake1998]

Telemarketer Joke

A radio annoucer who plays with telemarker.. very funny

http://howtoprankatelemarketer.ytmnd.com/

[Ed62]

Those are really funny. Here's mine.

There was a time about 20 years ago, when my wife became very ill with something not easily diagnosed. She had seen several doctors, and been to hospitals in Terre Haute, IN, St. Louis, MO, and Chicago, IL. over a period of about 6 years. Even though we had some insurance, the out-of-pocket costs took just about everything we had, and we couldn't possibly pay the bills that were outstanding. We finally had no choice but to file bankruptcy. In the meantime, we got persistent calls from a collection agency.

First call, he attacked my character, non-stop. I tried to explain the situation, but he would not hear any of it. More calls from him followed just about every day (wife still very sick).

As time went on, I guess he realized we couldn't pay the bills, and his attacks became less severe, but still routinely. After being subjected to his calls for such a long time, I finally began hanging up on him as soon as I knew who it was.

The last day he called, I hung up on him several times during the day. The last call went something like this:

Him: "Hello, Mr. ....., this is John from Ace Collections again. Please don't hang up on me again."

Me: "Before you say any more, can I ask you a question?"

Him: "Yes sir."

Me: "Does anything P**s you off?" Hung up again, and never heard from him again.

Ed

[Popeye]

My dad kept a storm window salesman on the line for half an hour one time. Finally said that he wouldn't mind talking in person to a fat salesman, but he needed to have him come out no later than 1 pm. Phone salesman agreed but wasn't sure if he could have the guy out by 1 and asked if he could be alittle late.... Dad said NO, he worked swing shift and wanted to have the salesman Butchered and in the freezer before he left for work. CLICK Dad is still just as sharp at 80 too Pat

[Richard in Smithville]

A number of years ago, the company I worked for had a manufactoring/whse facility in Welland(Ontario) and another whse around 25 miles away. One day I had to take the company pick-up to Welland and pick up some brich for a customer who was close to the other shop. After I got to Welland I asked the shipping clerk there to give me about 15 minutes and call the clerk in my home shop and ask if I was coming or not. After I walked into the shipping office back at home base, the clerk had some not to kind words for me or the clerk in Welland . Seems she had visions of a pick up truck smoldering in a ditch somewhere.

[davethegolfer]

Golf Clubs

A friend in my standing foursome had bought a new set of irons, but kept them hidden under a rug in his trunk to keep his wife from seeing them. She always took this type of opportunity to buy herself something to even things out.

We were at a small dinner to honor the anniversary of a mutual friend and got to talking about buying gifts for spouses. My golfing buddy's wife said that his birthday was coming up in a week or two and she had no idea of what to get him. I just had to suggest that she get him a new set of irons. She saw the look on his face and smiled, "You already bought a new set didn't you?" His look clearly said yes. She shortly got a new player piano for the den.