Unbelievable But True-Computer Skills/Tech Support

[LinuxRandal]

A great use for one of those label makers! Make one that says "Any" and apply to the power button!

[Wood_workur]

I agree with having a license to own/use a computer... but all of the non-licensed people would take away so much humor in our lives...

[crokett]

Wow David,

Sounds like you had a great tech support job there... And the funny thing is that the story has circulated so much that it must have happened many other times too...
Jim

Well I also had a woman who washed her keyboard because it was dusty. And I had an executive open a SEV1 priority call because he could not get his machine on the network. Turns out he came back from a business trip and forgot to plug the network cable back in....

The most interesting one was the call for a computer down in the money counting room. You got to it by a special elevator and had to be escorted there and back by a security guard. He said and waited while I fixed the machine. It was a large cage with stacks of $$$ and a few older women counting it. There was another guard who was there full-time. He stayed outside the cage at all times because the worry was someone inside might be able to overpower him.

[BobSch]

As for the cup holder, some time ago I got a file that puts a Coke icon on the desktop. When you click on it a message box pops up "Here's a free Coke holder for you!" Then the CD-Rom holder extends.

[mac_daddy]

True Life Adventures (but not by Disney)

Yeah, I was was almost floored by an actual sighting of the 'cup holder' incident. Really, I thought it was one of those SNOPES urban legends, but really happened to myself.

Here are two I will never forget.

1) A couple of years ago, some programmer spilled her drink on her laptop. So I get a ticket and head over to her cubicle. Once I enter it, it looks like a murder scene splattering all over the walls. Quickly, I guessed it wasn't a case of explosive diarrhea, but an overzealous attempt to catch a coffee cup. The laptop is also in view on the counter splayed over display/keyboard faced down. The USER asks if the computer could be okay after spilling hot cocoa over the keyboard. I state that if it was water, we could boot up and try to see the damage after it's dried, but what your doing won't help with a sticky sugary drink on it. She says, it's okay, it's sugar free.

2) This one happened last month! A user calls me from a conference room and states she wants to access her files on her laptop. I assume that she is attempting to connect from another computer on the network and I tell her sure, if she has the right permissions (bad mistake to begin logically explaining things). She says, even if it's not connected directly to the network? I again assume she's using wireless networking, and again I state, sure, as long as she is on the local wireless network. She says that she doesn't have the computer on. I backup and state, ok, so you want to access the hard drive while it's not on, correct? And she says, Of course it's not on, it's in my car trunk right now, why should I have it on? Again, I give the user too much credit to ask her if she is on medication....

[Jaden]

One of my favorites from when I was in the techy trenches:

One of my fellow techs had a frantic call from a user, that when he came into work we entered his cubical, to be greeted by a rapid, repetitive beeping noise coming from his computer. Leaving, my associate went downstairs to check on this individuals system. About 5 minutes later I received a phone call from my compatriot, trying not to laugh, he informed me that he needed backup (usually code for a reeeeaaaally wonderfully stupid situation) Arriving at the desk of the user having the problem, the beeping noise was quite audible streaming from the users laptop. Squatting down I looked under the users desk, cluttered with piles of books, pamphlets, boxes and other acquired debris, and sitting under several, newly placed books (assumed they had been placed there before leaving the night before), was the users external keyboard with the keys being compressed by said books, STILL PLUGGED INTO THE COMPUTER. Shaking my head, I stood up, unplugged the keyboard (stopping the beeping) turned, and went back upstairs.

[TJG]

You can find quite a collection of such tech support calls here:

http://www.techtales.com/tftechs.html

[Tundra_Man]

A friend of mine used to own a software business about 20 years ago. He got a call one day from a woman who purchased the software and complained that the program disk (still on 5 1/4" on those days) worked fine the first time she used it, but after that it wouldn't work any longer.

He sent her a new disk, and she called back with the same result. So he decided to give her another disc and deliver it personally.

When he arrived, she inserted the new disc into her computer and sure enough it worked fine. She then pulled it out, grabbed a big magnet and stuck it to the side of her file cabinet where it was in easy reach for the next time she needed to run the program.

People pay good money to take lessons and learn how to golf or shoot a gun, but when it comes to something that contains 2 billion transistors they get indignant when you suggest that they seek out some additional education about how to use it.

[LinuxRandal]

I remember reading about a workplace with one set of install disks and the volume licensing agreement. One of the employess took the disks (floppy's) home and tried to install it. Their computer said it wasn't a formated floppy and did he want to format it now, to which he replied yes. He took it back to work (they were getting new systems, the reason he wanted to work from home, continue on his project) and looked for the disks. They went to install the software on the new systems, and guess what.

There is another one, I shouldn't know about. A company got rid of their original install disc's for a custom piece of software (in EXCESS of $200,000.00). They were broken into and the computer that ran it was stolen. When they got the computer back, the drive had been formated, and several games loaded on (fairly high end pc). They were out the cost of the program again. (unsure if the company is still in business, insurance didn't want to cover this)

[430752]

lawyer tech support calls...

My version, in my profession, goes something like this:

Grievant: The Company is trying to fire me, they're out to get me, this isn't fair that they're trying to fire me ...

Me: Well, what's going on, why? What's the basis?

Grievant: Well, they think I [overextended lunch, destroyed something, cursed a boss, etc.], They're out to get me I tell ya, you gotta stop it, I need this job.

Me: Okay, just hold on. We'll get to the bottom of this. Did you do whatever they say you did?

Grievant: Yeah, but they don't know that.

Me: Ummm.... You sure about that?!


curt j.

[RayintheUK]

In the days when the changeover from 5.25" to 3.5" floppies had just about completed, a software developer had a client who didn't know how to install the software she had bought from him, so telephoned for assistance. He asked whether she had made any attempt at all to install (in case there were already directories created, etc.), but she said not.

A little sarcastically, he then asked "Have you taken the disks out of the box yet?" The customer said that she had not, but would do so right away. After a couple of minutes, she returned to the 'phone, seemingly rather breathless, stating that she was ready now.

"Right," he said, "take Disk One and put it into the floppy drive slot with the label uppermost and the metal part facing into the slot."

"Which is Disk One?" came the reply - "they all look the same to me..." He said that the number was to be found on the label of the disk, but was interrupted by the customer saying "... and the metal part is in the middle."

When he had asked if she had taken the disks out of the box, the customer had, in fact, done so, but then assumed that the hard outer casing of the floppy disk was "the box," cracked them open and was then confronted with a number of floppy, round brown disk inners.

Ray.

[Bruce Cohen]

Years ago, when the Mac II came out and was able to compete with conventional design methods, I formed a design firm with another designer who had a much better knowledge of macs than me.

After a while, we became Apple certified consultants and began to sell turn-key design templates along with hardware and software.

While pitching a prospective client, one of the members of the review board was that type of a guy who knows just enough to know absolutely nothing (cyber jerk), constantly keeps asking for a specific piece of hardware he read about in a computer magazine. Well this hardware cost about $30,000 at that time and was totally unnecessary for the system we had configured for them. A total waste of money.

Not wanting to ruin our reputation in the business, we kept insisting that purchase was of no value whatsoever to their system. Well he keeps going on about getting this hardware for over an hour and both us and the rest of the purchase review board were getting restless (pissed-off), so with an entirely serious face, my partner looks this guy straight in the eye and says "Do you really want to know the real reasons behind this hardware".

The guy's eyes light up expecting to hear that he's correct, and we have finally admitted that he's smarter then us.

My partner then stands us, walks over to the guy, leans down so they're nose to nose and bellows in his loudest voice "The real reason is that God doesn't want you to have it".

P.S. We got the account!!