A true golfer

[bigsteel15]

George stood over his tee shot on the 450 yard 18th hole for what seemed an eternity.
He waggled, looked up, looked down, waggled again, but didn't start his back swing.
Finally his exasperated partner asked, "What the he77 is taking so long?"
"My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse balcony," George explained. "I want to make a perfect shot."
"Good lord," his companion exclaimed. "You don't have a snowball's chance in he77 of hitting her from here."

[crokett]

George was talking to a buddy of his at the water cooler monday morning. Buddy says 'So you and Harry go out and play golf again this weekend?" George says "of course - you know we've been doing that for 15 yrs". Buddy says "how was it?" George says "Terrible! I was having the round of my life and on the 12th hole Harry is lining up a putt. All of a sudden, heart attack and BAM! He's dead right there on the spot." The buddy says "Gosh George, that is terrible. I'm so sorry to hear that." George says "You have no idea. Next 6 holes it was hit the ball, drag harry. Hit the ball, drag Harry..."

[Tundra_Man]

Two men were out golfing. One was lining up for his tee shot when a funeral procession went by on a nearby road. He stood up, removed his hat and waited until the procession had passed before then returning to his game.

The second man was impressed, and said "I had no idea you had such respect for the dead!"

The first man replied, "well, she was a good wife of 25 years!"

[crokett]

Moses, Jesus and God were out playing golf. On one hole there was water left of the tee. Moses takes his tee shot and shanks the ball into the water. He walks down to the pond parts the water, walks out and plays his ball onto the fairway The next hole Jesus hits an awful slice that skips across the water and ends up on the far side of a pond. He walks across the water and plays his ball back onto the green. On the next hole God flubs his shot out to the middle of a pond. It lands on a lily pad and a frog pushes it into the water. At that moment a fish leaps out of the water with the ball in its mouth just as a hawk swoops down and snatches the fish in mid-leap. It flies across the green and the ball falls out of the fish's mouth and lands in the hole. Moses turns to Jesus and says "Do we have to bring your dad every time we play?"

[JR]

Jesus and God sign up for a Father/Son tournament. After hitting their drives on the first hole, Jesus is face with a 190-yard second shot, over water. Jesus asks for His five iron. The wise caddy, having seen His swing on the tee, suggests the three. Jesus insists on the five, so the caddy demurs.

Jesus makes a nice swing, but sure enough it's in the lake. God advances safely and the party moves on. Upon reaching the water Jesus just walks right across to retrieve his ball, much to the amazement of God's caddy. As Jesus prepares to drop, God's caddy takes Jesus' aside. "Who the heck is that guy?", he says.

"Well," says Jesus' caddy, "He's Jesus. ****ed if He doesn't think He's Nicklaus, though!"