EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY
Day 180
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVOURITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVOURITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVOURITE!
Day 181
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVOURITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVOURITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVOURITE!
Day 182
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVOURITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVOURITE!
1:30 pm - ooooooo. bath. bummer.
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVOURITE!
EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY
DAY 752
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little
dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat,
while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing
that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild
satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of
furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
DAY 761
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around
their feet while they were walking almost succeeded,
must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt
to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once
again induced myself to vomit on their favourite chair...
must try this on their bed.
DAY 765
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in
attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and
to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed
and condescend ed about what a good little cat I was.
Hmmm..... Not working according to plan.
DAY 768
I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good
reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however
it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What
sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation
is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
DAY 771
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was
placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could
hear the noise and smell the foul odour of the glass tubes
they call "beer". More importantly I overheard that my
confinement was due to my power of "allergies." Must learn
what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe
snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than
happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the
other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them
regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to
his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured.
But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...
Day 180
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVOURITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVOURITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVOURITE!
Day 181
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVOURITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVOURITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVOURITE!
Day 182
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVOURITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVOURITE!
1:30 pm - ooooooo. bath. bummer.
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVOURITE!
EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY
DAY 752
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little
dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat,
while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing
that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild
satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of
furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
DAY 761
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around
their feet while they were walking almost succeeded,
must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt
to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once
again induced myself to vomit on their favourite chair...
must try this on their bed.
DAY 765
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in
attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and
to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed
and condescend ed about what a good little cat I was.
Hmmm..... Not working according to plan.
DAY 768
I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good
reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however
it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What
sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation
is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
DAY 771
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was
placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could
hear the noise and smell the foul odour of the glass tubes
they call "beer". More importantly I overheard that my
confinement was due to my power of "allergies." Must learn
what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe
snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than
happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the
other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them
regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to
his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured.
But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...
True fact: Dogs have masters. Cats have "staff"!
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