A Little Friday Pick-me-up

[gmack5]

I don't understand. After the last child was born, my wife told me we had to cut back on expenses and I had to give up drinking beer. I was not a big drinker, maybe a 12 pack on weekends.

Anyway, I gave it up but I noticed the other day, when she came home from grocery shopping, I looked at the receipt and saw $45 in makeup. I said, "Wait a minute I've given up beer and you haven't given up anything!"

She said, "I buy that makeup for you, so I can look pretty for you."

I told her, "****, that's what the beer was for!"

I don't think she's coming back.......

[DaveW]

LOL - here's another one...

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beach in Montego Bay, Jamaica. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. "What a peaceful & loving couple". A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.

"Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon in Arizona and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off. My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, "That's once."

We proceeded a little further and the horse stumbled again, this time causing her to drop her water. Once more, my wife quietly said, "That's twice."

We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for a third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.

I shouted at her, "What's wrong with you, Woman! Why did you shoot the Poor animal like that? Are you crazy??" She looked at me, and quietly said, "That's once." "

And from that moment on we have lived happily ever after.

[mater]

Those were good. Thanks for the laugh.

[monte]

Both are good ones. Thanks for posting.