Woodworking One Liners

[Richard in Smithville]

A good friend and highly accomplished wood worker posted on another forum a series of one liners, tag lines, and hard won wisdom. Most relate to woodworking and the others just, well, relate. Gord has given me permission to share them here with you. If you have any you would like to share, I will forward them back to Gord.

Hello All

Over the years I’ve collected a number of “one liners”, woodworking says and thoughts. Some of them poke fun at us as woodworkers and some; well I’ll leave that up to you.

I hope you enjoy them as much as I do and if you have one that you can add to the list, please do.

All the best
Gord


1. Knowing how something is done is one thing. Being able to do it is another.

2. The most talented people I know are humble. The least talented usually aren't.

3. Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.

4. I cut it twice and it's still too short.

5. Woodworking, it's not a hobby, it's an addiction.

6. I work to support my woodworking habit.

7. Will work for more tools!

8. Lumber turns to furniture in my hands.

9. I'm a professional toothpick maker.

10. Every woodworker needs a fireplace.

11. If nail'en it won't work, then screw it.

12. Women love me, trees fear me.

13. The Hurrier I go the Behinder I get.

14. There are no mistakes in woodworking until you run out of wood.

15. Some of the finest furniture ever made was veneered.

16. He who dies with the most tools wins.

17. We are now doing the impossible it just taking a little longer.

18. Those who say it's impossible should not get in the way of those doing the impossible.

19. A bad day woodturning is still better than a good day working.

20. When it comes to buying tools I use the one my father taught me. "It's easier to get forgiveness than it is to get permission" my wife hates it, but it works every time......... well almost.

21. "You want me to make that? Then I need to buy...."

22. "Well you can get it done right-a-way or you can get it done right, your choice!".

23. Some people are enamored with tools.
Some others are enamored with process.
The others are busy with making furniture.

24. You can never have enough clamps.

25. Few hand tool purists can make a living with them.

26. "It's not a mistake, it's a design feature".

27. I see your point but I think you’re full of it.

28. The fact that this doesn’t make sense does not make you an artist.

29. Someday you will look back at this work, laugh nervously and change the subject.

30. I like your work; it reminds me of when I was young and stupid.

31. Good, quick, or cheap--pick any two.

32. Pocket screws & biscuits are nothing to be ashamed of.

33. Anyone who doesn't think money grows on trees hasn't bought any lumber lately.

34. The most productive shops I've seen are usually messy.

35. No one ever has the time to do it right, but everyone has the time to fix it.

36. If it was easy then anyone could do it.

37. “It’s not a scrap it's decorative kindling..."

38. Box joints are as strong as dovetails, maybe stronger.

39. If you can't find the time to do it properly, how will you find the time to fix it?

40. Better tools save time; they don't make you a better craftsman!

41. There are no mistakes in woodworking until you run out of wood.

42. If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.

43. If I can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.

45. There is more BS in woodworking than any other hobby... with the exception of golf.

[cabinetman]

If it don't fit, try a bigger hammer.
.

[charliex]

Tell Gord Hello for me.. Some good ones there. Here's a list that I've been compiling of my own. These are personal experience observations.

The tool currently in your hand is the one you were looking for 20 minutes ago and couldn't find, why you wanted it, is now a complete mystery.

As soon as your shop is clean and organized with everything in it's place, you will need something that you will not be able to find.

You are unaware of your abilities as a magician until... You use a tool, lay it down and without moving from that spot have that tool disappear and then reappear some minutes later in a completely different location.

Using only one tape measure on a project will keep from introducing dimensional errors. But you need at least a dozen so that you can find one.

The more perfectly you cope a joint, the better the chance it will be on the wrong end of the board.

The board that you just cut to fit, is the same board you cut earlier to fit somewhere else later. See next line.

The board that you just spent 20 minutes looking for and could not find is the second board mentioned in the above line.

Starting the dust collector and running a board through the planer without attaching the hose will make a mess on the router table, floor, bench and other places. The chances of this happening are better with wide stock and a deep cut.

The last piece of plywood left on your wood rack that is large enough to finish a project has the grain running in the wrong direction or is maple and you need oak.

The next largest piece is right grain, right species but is 3/64" short on one side because you cut it out of square.

The router bit you need right now is the one you broke a month ago and haven't ordered a replacement for yet.

The router bit you can't find and already ordered a replacement for is still in the 1/4" collet in the drawer where you put it after you put the 1/2" collet in the router.

After you cut 3/16" off three legs to match the forth and shortest one, you discover that the one that is left is now 3/8" to long. (This may require some thought)

Chas